There’s a lot of truth to this. I think the notion of making a conscious choice is love personified. I very much think of love as a verb in addition to a feeling.

What I will say, I’ve only been able to authentically make that conscious choice now because I do feel I’m with my soul mate. That doesn’t mean our relationship isn’t work, au contraire, but I “see” him and feel seen by him in a way that’s fundamentally different from past relationships. With exes, it always felt like I was making that conscious choice just because I should and because it was the right thing to do, the same way an office worker should take pride in a full day’s work. Nothing was wrong with any of those men, but our connections didn’t feel “easy” in the way I always imagined my true love story would.

I think a very small percentage of couples feel that romantic soulmate connection. I don’t think other kinds of connection are less-than (I also think soulmate connections can grow and surprise us after years of less than glamorous work.)

But: I don’t think love that “just feels right” is a fairytale either. It’s rare, but it exists if you’re stubborn enough to believe in it and have a strong sense of what you’re looking for.

As my grandmother always said, marry later marry wiser.